Unintentionally, 2017 for me became a year of firsts. I did many things for the first time and it taught me a lot about myself. I have a list below (with pictures) with many of those firsts, but there was one standout experience that I wanted to share.
Dance, Dance, Dance:
As a bit of context, I have been looking to find an exercise activity that my wife and I can do together as my usual pursuits of CrossFit, running, gyming, weight lifting, rugby, etc. do not appeal to her. She did used to dance however, so it got me thinking - could we dance together?!
After some committed searching, I came across a 6 week Street Dance class. Yep - that should be something a little different...
My biggest lesson about myself was my ability to embrace discomfort
Despite some severe reservations, the commitment clause of paying to go - and a spouse who was 'expectant', if not eager, meant I wouldn't(/couldn't) back out. Now, here came the biggest lesson about my 2017 self - my ability to embrace discomfort. Turning up to that first dance class and it having only women in it, all of whom seemed so tiny that they failed to meet the minimum height requirements to join the umpa lumpas, made my 6"3 frame extraordinarily conspicuous.
My discomfort was compounded by the fact that the class was also set up for women, and so when there was a shaky-bum or flick-your-hair type move for the women, I was instructed to 'do something manly Henry' (she still hasn't got that my name is Harry...).
So the environment was very discomforting, and it isn't often you feel like that. Then layered on that is learning something very new, very quickly.
Graham the Discomfort Gremlin wanted me to give up.
So that discomfort feeling was persistent all the way through the first lesson, and EVERY subsequent one. The barely contained panic that you are following it. The vulnerability and embarrassment when you haven't picked up on a move or a sequence. The frustration of not making it look as easy as it should do. All of these elements give you an enormous feeling of discomfort. The kind of discomfort I hadn't felt since learning to drive, or perhaps before that - learning to ski or learning algebra.
That discomfort, for me, was like a creepy little gremlin sitting on my shoulder telling me it would all be easier just to leave. Just run away. He would breath on the back of my neck making me shudder and squirm. Graham the Discomfort Gremlin wanted me to give up. He liked things safe, and easy. Sure, we all suffer professional frustrations, and learn new things daily - but how often do you put yourself in a position where every part of you is saying 'RUN AWAY'?! Not often I bet. I wasn't expecting how strong a discomfort this Graham would give me.
**Embracing Graham the Discomfort Gremlin: **
Graham is of course an old friend I have spent a lot of time with traveling. From walking down an unusual streets in Nairobi, driving land rovers through the Serengeti, jumping out of a planes in New Zealand, and putting unknown meats in your mouth in China - traveling fills you with ample opportunity to meet Graham.
What was interesting here was actively meeting Graham for a whole year helped me learn to embrace him. Embrace his pointy little claws on my shoulder, his breath on my neck and muttering in my ear. I became so good at embracing that feeling of discomfort, that I began to control it. I began to recognise when and why I was feeling so uncomfortable, notice when Graham appeared - and eventually controlled it or created strategies to deal with that slimy little critter.
Whatever I did to beat Graham...I had to make a conscious decision to deal with him
My strategies varied, but whatever I did to beat Graham, I worked out that it had to be active - I had to make a conscious decision to deal with him. When I ignored it, he would build and build, resulting in sulky-pouty face from me - and an inability to learn any more.
So, from a little activity I wanted to do with the wife, I discovered a part of me that doesn't come out very often - the uncomfortable me - Graham the Discomfort Gremlin. In learning to Street Dance I of course got better at dancing, more coordinated, made friends, had a laugh and became closer to my wife - all of which is great. But I was unprepared to encounter and embrace a part of me (and all of us) that is surprisingly easy to ignore - discomfort.
Am I a better person because of this? Who knows. But I know that next time I am in a scenario of uncomfortableness (such as my recent Christmas trip to the overpowering and confusing store 'Lush'!) I can recognise the discomfort feeling for what it is and embrace it. Embrace Graham.
**My tips on doing more firsts: **
Embracing Graham also led me to do many more things for the first time this year. So here are my recommendations to help others do more firsts and embrace Graham...
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The doing: The most important step you will take is the first. Just going along to it is the hardest part. Your late back from work, tired, can't be bothered, feel uncomfortable, excuse, excuse, excuse. It is always easier to not do something than to do something. So you do have to work hard to get over the initial resistance.
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Inspiration: It is very difficult coming up with stuff. My list of 'go to' items for us to do was limited to walking, eating, shopping and the cinema. So that is why I employed technology! Facebook have a little known function called 'Events' that allows you to search for events going on near you that weekend. It is very useful.
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Commitment: Sticking to it is hard. In the face of work and other commitments I found it difficult to always commit. However, my rule was - if I could do it, I would. Rules help in these situations as you don't have to 'choose' every time - you simple have to follow your own rule.
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Embracing Discomfort: If it is new - you will have this feeling. Recognising that Graham is sitting on your shoulder is key. Once you notice him, and smile to yourself that it is just Graham, it is much, MUCH easier to deal with and embrace. Also, overcoming discomfort fills you full of pride and a sense of achievement afterwards - which is a great motivator.
May your 2018 be full of new things and embracing your Graham.
**A few of my other firsts this year: **
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Learning to Street dance
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Making Sushi (turns out I'm rubbish at it)
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Watching Arcade Fire (a favourite band for over a decade)
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Taking part in a CrossFit competition (once as an individual, and once dressed as a fairy, obviously)
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Watched the filming of Question of Sport (and got in the background of the show!)
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Learning Pilates
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Walked up the highest point in England - Scarfell Point
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Won (all of the) internal awards for a campaign me and my team did on organ donation
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Ran 10km wearing a weighted vest